R.I.P Ipswich.

Ipswich our parakeet died early this morning of an illness he got like three days ago.I woke up this morning tried o get directions for a vet in Palmer ma. When i looked into his cage he was at the bottom dead. It really sucks and I'm pissed off that I didn't take him sooner.  He was doing so good and we were taking good care of him. Changed his water daily, he had toys to play with, and he had a lot of time outside of his cage perched up on our shoulders. I even you tubed Parakeet calls for him to listen to while I was online. If there's something we did wrong with him I cant think of it. He seemed to be getting better, he started eating and playing with his toys again. I thought he was on the road to recovery. Then he last night he looked awful. I'm going to miss the little guy. No more pets for a while I cant keep losing animals I care about. Some people may think its stupid that I get attached to my pets faster than people but I don't care. I care about animals plain and simple. I brake for them in the car and even stop the car to help  turtles cross the road. Here are some pics of Ipswich and I :

                                                        

My Pet, My Friend, I'll Miss You

Tis a sad time in our lives

You have left us here to mourn

Be missed, that is for certain

Many tears are bound to flow

Take this Angel to guide you

Sleep well, much peace, My love

My Pet, My friend, I'll miss you

Rest in Peace, for ever more

poem from:
http://www.pocketangels.com/guardian-angel-my-pet-my-friend-ill-miss-you-pocket-angel/)

Mail surprise form IRS and more....

Yesterday I went to the mailbox and received what I thought to be my money from my taxes in the mail. Upon closer inspection of the letter I realized it was a bill a bill thats over a 1,000 dollars!! Apparently someone in the IRS must have entered the info with their elbows or something. Its called a  CP 2000 letter. Its unneeded stress right now but we are working on getting everything straightened out. 

On top of that my new parakeet is sick. I'm looking into a avian vet because the vets around here don't do birds. So hopefully the poor guy makes it until I can find one. Hes a good bird and was just starting to hang out outside of his cage and on our shoulders. I hope he makes it, I get attached to my animals really quick and get really upset when they pass... My fingers are crossed for my parakeet Ipswich. I already lost my rabbit of over 4 years randomly. I don't want to lose another pet.  

Work went well, minor pain form the surgery. I'm on light duty for 2 weeks till I heal up completely.That's it and its only Tuesday. Hopefully optimistic for the rest of my week. I hear we may get a snow storm this week. Hope we don't.

Surgery Done!

I was up at 6:50 am and had gone to bed at 3:30 the night before.. I was obviously worrying which is something I have always done about everything outside of my control. The night before I had a dream where a tornado picked me up and was tossing me around like a rag doll. I always dream of tornadoes whenever I'm worried about things I cant control. Anyhow, I got to the hospital around 7:30 and was scheduled for surgery at 8:am.

All the doctors and nurses were friendly and tried to make me comfortable for the procedure. I have a cold so they weren't sure if they were going to put me under or not because the risks are higher I guess.

Well they decided to go through with it and gave me an IV with something to put me out. The nurse said "your going to start feeling sleepy now." I didn't feel sleepy at all and then suddenly I was out.

When I came to it was all over. I made some groggy incoherent ramblings to the nurses I could see. I believe I said "I'm a pagan son of the Goddess. Reiki certified alternative healing!" Then I fell asleep again. I'm sure they hear all kinds of wacky things in the recovery room from people but none the less it was a bit embarrassing.

I had to suck it up and call my mother for a ride home. Docs wouldn't let me drive. I was surprised to see my aunt from Puerto Rico which i haven't seen since i was like 10 years old. I guess she came up to visit my mother with  another aunt of mine. They drove me to my moms for coffee and my aunts and I chatted for a while. Its nice to see family after so many years. Catch up on how things on the island are.

 By the time I arrived back at home I had developed a fever and the chills. I was shivering uncontrollably. My girlfriend and children bundled me up and sat me on the couch. I swear they enjoyed it a little too much. See what I mean.---->

Right now I'm on Vicodin 500 for the pain. It hurts to cough, laugh, sneeze, twist or move. I cant afford to take any more days off so its back to work on Monday. Luckily my girlfriend is taking good care of me. Hopefully my stitches wont hurt too bad by then and all the swelling goes down. No complaints though  that's life when your head of household in a middle class family. Work through the pain Daddies cant get sick.

A Daddy Daughter Day

Today was a good day to be out an about. Grown up life, relationships, and work have a way of adding unneeded drama into life. I took my 7 year old daughter out for a Daddy Daughter Day for getting straight A's on her report card and in school in general. She picked out my new jewelry for all the holes I like to put in my head. After that was a trip to Game Stop. We searched there for a bit until we came across a game she liked. Epic Mickey for the WII ! I have to admit I've really wanted to play it for a while and now that it was on sale it was was the perfect time to buy.

Next, we went to Friendly's a few towns over and I let her choose whatever she wanted off the ice cream menu. She had a Hot fudge sundae with gummy bears and m&m's. We talked about school and her best friends. I made sure she knew that this was a special treat for doing so well in school and also for the great job she did on her part of the cultural event at school. I told her how courageous she was and how proud I am of her. She admitted to being afraid when she was up in front of the parents with her classmates. I told her that being brave doesn't mean your never afraid. Being brave is about being afraid and doing it anyway. Facing your fears. She took it in for a sec. and then said  "the perfume isle at the mall really stunk." I smiled an agreed.  It was good to get out and pick her brain about school, her friends, and things she finds funny. Shes turning into her own little person so quickly right before my eyes. I'm afraid I'm missing out on so many things in my childrens  life sometimes. Its good to take time and do things one on one. We had fun :) 

A Proud Daddy Moment.

Today was my 7 year old daughters Cultural school day function. It was to celebrate the diversity of people in her school.  All the second graders had small roles to play. Each class was given a different country to speak about. My daughters classroom had China and my little shy girl had a speaking part! My nerves were on edge for my little girl. I know all to well how crippling shyness can be. I never even did an oral book report, I was always so shy Id take a failing grade.


 We arrived at her school and found a parking spot. I hurried my 5 year old son and girlfriend inside camera in hand. I anxiously watched the other classes speak about the countries they had. I felt a lump start to gather in my throat, my palms were sweaty and my feet were nervously tapping on the gymnasium floor. There's no way I could be up there with a speaking part. I had such an overwhelming fear that my little girl would be afraid, cry, puke, and run off stage being forever scarred causing her to become an old recluse shut in with 15 cats as adult. Sounds weird I know but that's how my mind works.  My daughters class was the last to go and I'm proud to say she did amazing. She was up there next to her friends in her cool new outfit and spoke her part like a pro. I'm definitely proud of my little girl. I couldn't ask for a better daughter I don't have the words to describe the joy I feel in my heart watching my daughter succeed. 


Unfortunately, my mother was a no-show. She has a way of putting my children on the back burner. She doesn't stay for birthday parties, doesn't come visit them, and doesn't invite them over like she does her other grandchildren. Shes even had the nerve to tell me that my kids aren't really her grandchildren. According to her, they are more my girlfriends side of the family. That's my mothers not so subtle way of saying my kids are white and her real grandchildren are Hispanic. Its frustrating as hell because my kids don't know any better and love spending time with her.


Well... I'm not going to let my disappointment in my mothers behavior overshadow the happiness in my heart or my daughters big day. This weekend I'm going to treat her to a Father-Daughter dinner and ice cream at Friendly's then off to Game Stop for a well deserved video game.

Valentines Day...

If your one of those people that love this "holiday" well.. go read another blog because your not going to like this post. Valentines day is a day that we are suppose to show our affections to our true love and/or the ones we really care for. There are hearts and fat baby cherubs with bows and arrows ready to shoot you in the heart and make you fall in love. Couples are planning special nights all over the place. Now, I could get into the history of Saint Valentine and the Catholic church but...lets not even go there. 


Valentines day today is all a marketing gimmick. Flowers, candy, cards, heart shaped everything.  I get that its a great idea to show our lovers we care and romance is very important in relationships. However to me its a cheesy bullshit holiday. A non-liday if you will. 


You should be showing your partner you love them year round. Not just on this one day when your being told you have to. The little things are the ones that matter most in the long run. Id rather not get a single thing for valentines day and have my girlfriend show me she supports me and my decisions and appreciate that I'm a hard worker. 


It's all about the little things. The things that your partner does daily for you and you for them. Weather its how she/he listens to your daily complaints about work and acts like she/he knows what the hell your talking about. Or how every morning when your in bed she/he bring you in a cup of coffee because she knows you cant get out of bed without one. Or How he/she waits up for you to come home so she can see you before she/he goes to bed.   


Those are the things that count in my book. Grand gestures are fine but I feel they are more for the benefit of showing others your in love and the little things are about showing your partner you love them. Weather you love it or hate it it That's my take on valentines day! 

I love the night.

I love the night. Its quiet and stillness is when I get my clearest thoughts and feelings . The pressures of the day are gone,  the air itself is quiet except for the clicking of my keyboard and the slight hum of my computer. I have always been drawn to the night and the moon and stars even as a child. There's something so mysterious, alluring and magical about it. I actually relax at night. I wouldn't know what to do if I worked a first shift job. I've been on second shift for almost 8 years now. We are a different type of people Iv'e noticed. Second shifters and third shifters that is. I've come to notice that in general we tend to be more accepting of other races, sexes, religions, and sexuality. Its either that or we just don't give a fuck what you're doing with your life because its YOUR life to live as you see fit.  

 I love the night. If you get a chance to stay up and enjoy the night, moon, stars and its quiet do so.  Our days are filled with routines and we forget to give ourselves time to be with ourselves alone. I do that at night when the rest of the world sleeps. It really helps to ground me and focus on the things and relationships that are most important in my life. 

"Why are you being such a dick today?

I woke up today with the intention of having an awesome day. I woke up ready to face my day with a positive attitude. Today I"m getting my hair cut and meeting with an old friend from high school. Everything's suppose to be good today. Instead my day just started and for no reason I'm filled with immense anger and resentment towards everyone around me. I don't wanna shave I don't wanna go get a haircut and I'm too angry to care. Its obvious to my family that I'm in a foul mood. Already i got the old "Why are you  being such a dick today? Just because I didn't read that blog you asked me to?" 
Its not the blog I'm angry about. Its everything. I'm too much of a coward to tell her the truth. Its embarrassing when I have a bad day. Makes me feel like a loser, like and adult male should have enough sense to keep his feelings in check. So angry and filled with spite. I call it venom shooting when things come out of my face that I don't really mean and like venom, it poisons the relationships its taken me so long to make.  Today is going to be one of those days where I FAKE IT TILL I MAKE IT. I'll apologize, smile, laugh and pretend I'm OK for my family. Its the least I can do. After all... family's all you really have in the end you know.

Rude awakenings... A Rant.

Heey! So Id like to start this Blog saying I'm a Second shifter. Meaning I work second shift 4pm to 12:30 am. I've done this shift for over 7 years now at every job I have been employed at. I love the night so this shift doesn't bother at  me at all. What does Burn my toast is the sound of hammering and drilling at 9 am coming from the downstairs bathroom. I mean I get people have to work but there should be some kinda law that prevents this kind of noise pollution from waking me from the most magnificent sleep I've had in a while. All i wanted to do this morning was stumble sleepy eyed down stairs  hammer and drill this noise making bastard up to the wall with his own friggin tools. But, being the lazy Taurus that I am in the mornings I decided to just have a couple cups of that Life saving, hot piece of heaven in a cup...Coffee. After 2 Cups of  Mana from heaven  I am up and coherent enough to take on my day. Before that, NOBODY TALK TO ME.

Surgery soon...and some info.

I got out of the doctors office today and was told I have to have Umbilical hernia surgery. It's a fairly common procedure. I am however nervous about being put under. This will be my first ever surgery in this lifetime. Do yourselves a favor, If you have a hernia don't Google images of hernias and their surgeries because you'll freak yourself out and worry more than normal. Trust me!  


I used the interwebz to search for some facts about hernias in general  and here's what I found
(I am not a doctor of any kind. Information provided here is for entertainment purposes)


A hernia occurs when the contents of a body cavity bulge out of the area where they are normally contained. These contents, usually portions of intestine or abdominal fatty tissue, are enclosed in the thin membrane that naturally lines the inside of the cavity.


SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS:
signs and symptoms of a hernia can range from noticing a painless lump to the severely painful, tender, swollen protrusion of tissue that you are unable to push back into the abdomen.

Any condition that increases the pressure of the abdominal cavity may contribute to the formation or worsening of a hernia. 

• obesity 
• heavy lifting,
• coughing,straining during a bowel movement or urination,
• chronic lung disease, and fluid in the abdominal cavity.
• A family history of hernias can make you more likely to develop a hernia.

According to the National Center for health Statistics,some 5 Million Americans have a hernia. Yet, only about 750,000 Americans seek Treatment each year.

If you or a loved one suspect they have a hernia seek medical attention. If left untreated hernias can worsen and become more dangerous .


For more detailed information on Hernias and other medical conditions check out the links page on this Blog.

Groundhogs Day....

Jan. 2nd was Groundhogs day. Most people wont even think twice about it. Personally I could care less if the animal sees his shadow or not. To me it was the day I celebrated Imbolc A.k.a Candlemass and Brigids Day. Imbolc is a cross quarter day midway between winter solstice and spring equinox.

 I like to celebrate the coming of spring and the Goddess in her Maiden form who brings new life to the planet as bulbs begin to shoot up and the earth becomes slowly warmer. Nature awakens from winters darkness and the days begin to get warmer with the promise of spring.

Some Imbolc Traditions as i know them are:

spring cleaning
Removing things from your life you don't want to carry with you for the coming year.

making of a Brighid's cross

Divination for the coming year

Lighting candles and keeping them burning till dawn 

Honoring the Goddess Brigid the Celtic Goddess of fire, Hearth and Forge, Poetry,Healing 

There are many books out there dedicated to the holiday want to learn more.

 I  get really down and depressed every now and again as I'm sure some of you do. When I'm feeling particularly down i sometimes write my thoughts and feelings into poetry. Doesn't  have to be an award winning poem. I'm definitely no expert on depression or poetry  but this helps me and maybe it can help some of you too. 
P.s. no one ever said poems had to rhyme.  Here's something i wrote earlier today:

The scars of the past whisper their dark symphony. 

All they say still rings so true, 

there's weakness in my  flawed heart and darkened soul.

Living in the waking world but out of touch as if in a dream.

Smiling masks begin to crack. 

With every breath the chilling darkness descends upon me 

Head spins in sadness, grief and regret ,

reliving my tortured past, future so foreboding,  mind on the brink of letting go.

I reach out for help, but you cannot see my pain because your drowning in your own.

The Devil Inside: One Bloggers Review.

Here's a small review on the movie The Devil Inside directed by: William Brent Bell and written by William Brent Bell and Mathew Petterman This Horror thriller centers around a young woman named Isabella Rossi played by the Brazilian beauty Fernanda Andrade  .Isabella travels to Italy to find out what happened to her mother who murdered three people during her own exorcism.

Let me start out by saying  that i am not a huge fan of the "found footage" type of films like the Blair witch and all the paranormal activity  films. I do however love a good Horror. This movie did have some pretty creepy parts and the effects were very well done and realistic. They mixed medical science and religion together in their exorcisms which was a nice touch.

After all the hyped up clips and previews I was let down. The film  starts out interesting and draws you into the characters and the story line only to let you down with an ending that just didn't fit in with the rest of the film. A good film to watch home alone in the dark. Don't waste cash going to see it in theaters.