I look good in a tux

My friend Chuck is getting married late May. Today the guys that are in the wedding had our tuxes fitted. It was fun to shoot the shit with Chuck and the rest of them for a little while. After which they were going for some brews. I didn't go with them this time but it was no big deal.


 Instead I took the kids to a birthday party at my friend Andrea and her husbands beautiful home. It was they're little daughters birthday her name is Kennadie . They even had a clown there for entertainment!! The kids got sparkle tattoos, balloon animals, cake and goo-die bags, and they played on the swing set. Fun times, good friends, and good food! what more could you ask for.

Fantasy World...who me?

 Tonight I watched some of my favorite TV shows and there was a running theme within them that really hit home.Ever thought about living in a different world? A world created by you where everything is there for the sole purpose of making you the happiest,well rounded, balanced, best version of yourself ever imaginable. Where you look exactly the way that makes you the happiest. You live in the place that makes your spirit sing. Your surrounded by everything that's right for you. A place where the inner you, the one you don't share with anyone including your spouse or best friend or anyone else. Where that perfect you runs free and happy? 

I have a world like this too. Its right there laying almost directly on top of this one. Sometimes the two become one and I can see it. Clear as day. The me I want to be. I can almost Reach out and touch him. Hes perfect, strong, magical, wise, a lover, fighter, protector, healer, A father, brother, friend, boyfriend....and so much more. But, right now its all just a fantasy. A wondrous daydream full of light and laughter. I'm not the man I want to be. Not even close. I swear its like I'm flying blind right now... Sometimes I wonder if my two halves will ever be one. The Light I seek and the darkness I am...

I was hesitant to write this...

I've been hesitant to write this particular Blog. Mainly because for the better part of my life when something good happened something equally bad or worse has happened. But, what the hell right?  I'm just going to throw caution to the wind and say that I started attending school. A massage therapy and spa course. When I decided to do this and started to slowly tell people around me I couldn't believe the overwhelming negative responses I received.Most people cant understand why I want to do this. 


As you may or may not know I have my Reiki one and two atunements. *Reiki  is a form of bodywork and energy medicine that uses energy channeled through a practitioner's hands to restore health and a sense of well-being. Id  like to incorporate this into massage therapy to help heal people both physically and on emotional /energetic level. For more information on Reiki I found a nifty little site or you can just google it.


I've been working in machine shops and factories for my entire adult life. Not as a passion,  just to pay the bills. Id like to have a second job that's something I love to do and make some money doing. Plus id be helping others Feel better.so whats not to love?! 


I've started going to school during the day and work later at night. Its only been a few days but I can already see its going to be tough road balancing work, school, and  family obligations. I am up for the challenge as scary as it  seems. If I don't do this now ill always be finding excuses why not to do it and it' ll never be the right time. So that's it ! With a little luck and determination ill be a licenced massage therapist next year. I  just want a better quality of life for myself and my family and I hope I have their full support. Though im doing this with or with out it. 




*http://www.traditionalreiki.com/basics/basic.html

Back to the Workouts and staying positive

Its been a full week since my abdominal hernia surgery. I went to the doctor and got the green light to start doing my normal routine. So,I decided its time to make up for lost time and start working out again. I began yesterday and I can really feel how much weaker I've gotten in a month of not working out! That's alright though  I'm back at it again and will be in shape for the summer.  I've decided to drop my gym because i just cant afford a  60 dollar a month bill on top of supporting a family of 4 on one income.  I started  working out at home and so far so good although I am looking into a cheaper gym one that's 24 hours and i can go to straight after work. I am still a little apprehensive on lifting anything too heavy and messing up my stomach again so I am concentrating on workouts that include more cardio and using my own body weight as resistance at least for now. Things like burpees, alternating squats, shuffles, close grip push ups, sumo squats, inchworms, bicycles and mountain climbers. 

Everything is looking up and I'm working  hard on staying positive. Its a lot harder than it seems. I never realized just how "half empty" my outlook on life has been. Anyways I cant let my mistakes and failures ruin what I'm going for. I'm a work in progress both physically and mentally. I accept that every day isn't going to be easy  but, I'm not going to give up on being a more positive happier person. Still trying to follow this dream.....wish me luck!  

On my mind...a Promise.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how often I've passed up opportunities, jobs, life experiences, and even romances because of fear. Fear of failure, fear of letting people down, fear of what others will think of me, fear of making a mistake, fear of looking foolish. Its been a constant reoccurring theme in my life. Fear keeps me from living my life, from following dreams, from becoming the man I want to be. 

For the first time in a long time I feel like I should follow a dream, take a chance, a leap of faith. Even if it means I fall flat on my face. I don't want to wake up one day an old, gray, bitter man who  looks back upon a life filled with regrets.

 For a really big chunk of my life I've lived by the notion that if you don't try you don't fail. I realize now how limiting and hurtful this view of the world has really been on me. How many potentially wonderful experiences I have missed out on simply by not trying.

 I've gotten in the way of my own happiness, of my own success for far too long and its time for this to stop. I will not just settle for less because I'm afraid to try. This whole thing reminded me of something I read a while back ago in the famous self help book "the Secret" here it is:

I Promise Myself...

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.

To talk health, hapiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.

To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet.

To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

Christian D. Larson 1912